Jailbreak (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
nor_iron_bars) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
irisnetwork2019-05-02 11:33 pm
nor_iron_bars) wrote in irisnetwork2019-05-02 11:33 pm
Entry tags:
un: jaybird
[There's a post uploaded to the Iris Network from Jail's account, that appears to be some kind of video from a cell phone camera- albeit a very good quality one. It begins with a shot of Daybreak's campus from the perspective of someone standing on one of the rooftops, slowly panning over to show the full view of the scenery.]
Our worlds are full of natural wonders, both large- [The video cuts to a hastily-filmed clip of Indrik, barreling past during his run around campus a couple months ago.] -and small. [Now it's just a picture of a kitten.]
[The voice-over narration definitely sounds like Jail, albeit in a very particular tone, the sort of calm academic cadence and faint British accent that inevitably seems to end up being part of a TV documentary.]
Many live in remote, dangerous areas, like the lifeless wastes of Kel'thaharn- or, as it's known by the more human residents, New Jersey. Those rare, brave explorers who journey forth to document the creatures that inhabit those strange lands are true heroes of science, examples to us all. But sometimes, we are fortunate enough to uncover fascinating opportunities...
[Cut to the inside of a hallway, camera panning along until it stops at the door to the staff room.]
...right here, in our own backyard. Join me, as I embark on a quest to document one of Daybreak Academy's most unique and unusual native species:
[Shot of one of the more recent official staff group photos, in which everyone looks professional and like they're feeling deeply awkward to be there, zoom in and smash cut to the inside of the staff room.]
The suit-wearing magic goth dude.
Our humble ecosystem supports not one or two but four of these rare creatures, with the possibility of more as yet undiscovered. That warrants serious scientific study. Also, it's enough for the cast of a dating sim, like the one I'm definitely not programming in my spare time.
[The camera slowly zooms in on Valvatorez, sitting in one of the staff room chairs and munching on his usual Oops! All Sardines lunch, apparently not aware that he's being filmed.]
In front of us is a fine specimen of Piscis fanaticus, also known as the Long-Caped Suit Goth. Note the dramatic plumage that results in the species' common name. [A brief shot from the back, emphasizing Valvatorez's vampire cape.] While many carnivorous species are very defensive of their prey, P. fanaticus is quite the opposite, preferring to hunt in order to provide for the whole pack... whether or not they asked for it.
[The camera pans over to Avery, looking disgruntled as he attempts to fend off yet another suggestion from Valvatorez about trying some of the sardines.]
By contrast, Salis juris, the Floof-Maned Suit Goth, prefers a diet consisting almost entirely of coffee and the tears of pre-law majors, though other liquids may be acceptable, if mixed with sufficient quantities of alcohol and delivered with a fancy little paper umbrella.
[Suddenly, the camera whips around to face the staff-room door... just as it opens, and Grimm walks through.]
Ah. A newcomer. The Point-Haired Suit Goth, Intonat itinerantur, is a more migratory subspecies, and we've only recently reached the right time of year to start seeing them again. But, will he have a warm welcome?
[The shot focuses on Grimm walking over to the same table as Val and Avery, accompanied by hilariously overdramatic background music.]
Or will the sight of a potential rival... prompt an attack?
[The music swells, and...]
[Grimm sits down. Like a normal person. Nothing happens.]
Fortunate success- they seem to have accepted him as one of their own. [Ominous pause.] But wait- there's only three. Where, you may wonder, is the fourth member of the pack?
[Smash cut to the infirmary, a single shot apparently being filmed from outside, through the window. Ekkehardt is standing at one of the counters, apparently organizing something in a cabinet.]
Yes, unlike the others, the more solitary subspecies of Vell medicus, or Definitely Not Paid Enough For This Crap Suit Goth, prefers a quieter, more-
[She cuts off midsentence as Ekkehardt turns around and makes direct eye contact with the camera.]
Aw, fuck.
[The camera angle abruptly shifts about ninety degrees and gets much shakier, as though someone's sprinting along the sheer wall of the building away from the infirmary window at top speed.]
Remember to like, comment, and subscribe for more content, assuming I live that long.
[The video cuts off.]
Our worlds are full of natural wonders, both large- [The video cuts to a hastily-filmed clip of Indrik, barreling past during his run around campus a couple months ago.] -and small. [Now it's just a picture of a kitten.]
[The voice-over narration definitely sounds like Jail, albeit in a very particular tone, the sort of calm academic cadence and faint British accent that inevitably seems to end up being part of a TV documentary.]
Many live in remote, dangerous areas, like the lifeless wastes of Kel'thaharn- or, as it's known by the more human residents, New Jersey. Those rare, brave explorers who journey forth to document the creatures that inhabit those strange lands are true heroes of science, examples to us all. But sometimes, we are fortunate enough to uncover fascinating opportunities...
[Cut to the inside of a hallway, camera panning along until it stops at the door to the staff room.]
...right here, in our own backyard. Join me, as I embark on a quest to document one of Daybreak Academy's most unique and unusual native species:
[Shot of one of the more recent official staff group photos, in which everyone looks professional and like they're feeling deeply awkward to be there, zoom in and smash cut to the inside of the staff room.]
The suit-wearing magic goth dude.
Our humble ecosystem supports not one or two but four of these rare creatures, with the possibility of more as yet undiscovered. That warrants serious scientific study. Also, it's enough for the cast of a dating sim, like the one I'm definitely not programming in my spare time.
[The camera slowly zooms in on Valvatorez, sitting in one of the staff room chairs and munching on his usual Oops! All Sardines lunch, apparently not aware that he's being filmed.]
In front of us is a fine specimen of Piscis fanaticus, also known as the Long-Caped Suit Goth. Note the dramatic plumage that results in the species' common name. [A brief shot from the back, emphasizing Valvatorez's vampire cape.] While many carnivorous species are very defensive of their prey, P. fanaticus is quite the opposite, preferring to hunt in order to provide for the whole pack... whether or not they asked for it.
[The camera pans over to Avery, looking disgruntled as he attempts to fend off yet another suggestion from Valvatorez about trying some of the sardines.]
By contrast, Salis juris, the Floof-Maned Suit Goth, prefers a diet consisting almost entirely of coffee and the tears of pre-law majors, though other liquids may be acceptable, if mixed with sufficient quantities of alcohol and delivered with a fancy little paper umbrella.
[Suddenly, the camera whips around to face the staff-room door... just as it opens, and Grimm walks through.]
Ah. A newcomer. The Point-Haired Suit Goth, Intonat itinerantur, is a more migratory subspecies, and we've only recently reached the right time of year to start seeing them again. But, will he have a warm welcome?
[The shot focuses on Grimm walking over to the same table as Val and Avery, accompanied by hilariously overdramatic background music.]
Or will the sight of a potential rival... prompt an attack?
[The music swells, and...]
[Grimm sits down. Like a normal person. Nothing happens.]
Fortunate success- they seem to have accepted him as one of their own. [Ominous pause.] But wait- there's only three. Where, you may wonder, is the fourth member of the pack?
[Smash cut to the infirmary, a single shot apparently being filmed from outside, through the window. Ekkehardt is standing at one of the counters, apparently organizing something in a cabinet.]
Yes, unlike the others, the more solitary subspecies of Vell medicus, or Definitely Not Paid Enough For This Crap Suit Goth, prefers a quieter, more-
[She cuts off midsentence as Ekkehardt turns around and makes direct eye contact with the camera.]
Aw, fuck.
[The camera angle abruptly shifts about ninety degrees and gets much shakier, as though someone's sprinting along the sheer wall of the building away from the infirmary window at top speed.]
Remember to like, comment, and subscribe for more content, assuming I live that long.
[The video cuts off.]
un: hemlock
You should attend to it maybe?
no subject
otherwise it'll never toughen up and learn how to be a big, strong procrastination stack.
gotta let it grow up.
[This is extremely bad advice on all possible levels.]
no subject
But if you leave it in your office long enough it probably will be.
[ Or he'll just give up and do it for her which is the most likely option ]
no subject
[That's because people with an actual sense of responsibility pick it up and move it somewhere else where it actually gets done, Jail.]
let it be free.
no subject
That's the only reason it moves.
Also why are you programming a dating sim?
no subject
2. for mad cash
so basically the same two reasons i do anything.
un: concerto
This is incredibly amusing, my friend! I love it.
[And cannot deny she has a point.]
no subject
[She's glad Grimm's happy, he seemed like the kind who could take a joke well.]
no subject
Impeccable work. Perhaps they should give you a raise.
no subject
i'mma screenshot this and use it during my next performance review.
[It's unclear if the Academy even does performance reviews, but that won't stop her.]
no subject
At the very least you have one person in your corner, my friend.
[By which Grimm means he absolutely adores the chaos that seems to follow Jail along with Jail herself. It's amusing.]
Were you able to make a clean escape in the end?
no subject
que sera, sera.
[She's not too bothered by the idea. A little prank war might end up being fun, if it ends up that way.]
no subject
I wish you luck for what may follow. But your efforts were certainly worth it, and I hope it is fun.
no subject
Theres such wonder in nature. 10/10
no subject
[You can practically feel the incredibly fake innocence radiating off her reply.]
no subject
i just want to let you know i'm prepared
to fully fund your continued dating sim programming expenses!
no subject
un: δαήμων
[Michael, just a normal guy in a suit, feels safe from this!]
no subject
gonna need a bigger stick.
more of a pole, really.
[Not that she's saying no, she's pretty sure she could find a pole.]
no subject
Also are you the reason younger me was telling everyone we're named Stan?
no subject
seemed like a nice kid.
told me a name, but my tongue doesn't fold in those kinda dimensions, so i asked if it was okay to give him a nickname i could actually say.
sort of a shame, really- sounded like a real nice name, in an eldritch kinda way.
no subject
A daemon's true name has power anyway.
Either he gave you a different nickname, or he really was from early on.
Though we were never a kid, we sprang fully formed from the ether.
[Or, uh, whatever]
no subject
congrats on not being from a species that has to go thru puberty, tho.
0/10 would not recommend.
[Jail wouldn't be a teenager again if you paid her.]
no subject
[He thought there was more to being a kid than just being younger. There's adults that are older or younger than others, after all.]
definitely don't do puberty things
gross
no subject
kinda sorta.
[She's mostly just arguing for the fun of it, at this point.]
so gross.
being an adult can still get kinda gross, sometimes???
but way less, and it's a more stable kinda gross.
you don't just wake up one morning like 'oh shit, a growth spurt, again'.
[Jasmine, as shown thanks to Wist's little demonstration, was a tiny little thing at age eleven. Jail now, at twenty-seven, is five foot nine in bare feet and built like a statue. Most of her teenage years involved stumbling into things and smacking herself on doorframes. It was a deeply awkward time.]
UN: HisBurlyness
no subject
also that making up fake names for things is hilarious.
no subject
Maybe nature in general, but I've seen a lot of the stuff around here and honestly? Not impressed. Most of your plants don't even try to maul anything!
no subject
that's a big thing, your first mauling. probably a lot of pressure.
lil helpful advice on how to stand up for themselves would probably go a long way.
[She is one-hundred percent aware that this joke has the possibility of resulting in Bowser trying to train an ordinary garden plant to eat somebody, and she's not at all sorry about it.]
no subject
Uh-oh.]
So that puts plants over some of the people I met here. Kept trying to tell me they couldn't kick a metal ball. Something about breaking bones or whatever. Sounds like quitter talk if you ask me.
no subject
maybe instead of a lighter ball, they need tougher boots.
if they're not wearing boots, that's obvs the problem right there.
good pair of shitkicker boots is important to have.
no subject
Come to think of it, there isn't much that is against the rules when we play. Obviously that just means rules are for chumps.
no subject
but hey, we're here to teach, right?
they'll learn.
no subject