UN: hisburlyness

[talkstoposters]

[When the camera starts rolling, it looks like things are being filmed from one of the teacher's lounges. At least, from what little of the background you can make out. Most of it seems to be blocked off by some kind of tall, dragon-like figure from the bits and pieces one can make out. Seems like the camera crew is pretty incompetent. After a few tries and some yelling from the one being recorded, things finally can begin.]

Morons! I knew I shouldn't have given latiku the day off!

Uh, boss? The camera's rolling.

Is it? About time! Took you chumps long enough.

[The big brute coughs loudly and clears his throat.]

Noticed a lot of you punks have no idea who I am! The nerve! I get an invitation here and when I finally show up, nobody's even heard of the awesomest king around? Seriously? That hurts a LOT.

[He probably did not receive an inviation here.]

But nothin' I can't handle. I'm thick-shelled, after all. So listen up! The name's Bowser! King of Koopas and ruler of all things awesome! Heard you needed a hand with some Nightball thing or whatever and I'm here to lend a hand. Gonna whip you all into shape with gym and teach you to throw an actual punch, instead whatever noddle smacks you've been doing before. Seriously, can't get over how many skinny nerds there are. First lesson in my phys ed class should be shoving you into lockers and making you find a way out. Guess dodge-ball will be the next best thing!

[Towards the later half of the message, the camera starts to become a lot less steady. By the end whoever's holding actually let it drop. The feed is still recording, though on its side and zoomed in. Bowser roars and stomps forward.]

IDIOTS!

[A stream of fire can be seen extending off from the area Bowser was standing before the recording finally cuts off.]

Comments

[unpocoloco]

Hey now, skinny doesn't mean I can't play. You ever done any fútbol?

[He asks of a growling dragon turtle man. Whilst being a man with a cane. This was well thought out.]

[talkstoposters]

You better believe it! Only the way I play is a lot more intense than how you guys do it.

[unpocoloco]

More intense? How so? You're not confusing this with dumb American football are you?

[talkstoposters]

Well for starter's, bucko, the ball we use is made of metal and our goalies have biceps the size of your head.

[unpocoloco]

[Bucko...???]

Ah, biceps aren't that impressive. Fútbol's about what you can do with the rest of yourself. [He's maybe messing with the guy a little.]

A metal ball doesn't seem like it would be all the fun to play with though. I kind of like my toes unbroken.

[talkstoposters]

Yeah, well, most of 'em got biceps all over, so take THAT.

[He's just saying things at this point. Sorry.]

Unbroken? Oh, right. I forget how squishy most of you humans are. Weird. Even Peach can kick that thing so hard it splits into three, and she's the most dainty person I know. Did you all just get dropped on your heads or something?

[unpocoloco]

[Biceps all-- what?]

Well I don't know who or what Peach is but usually it's the bones that are breaking more than the squishy parts there. Metal is stronger than bone, typically, in normal humans, so science and all means the bone breaks first. Doesn't really matter how strong you are there.

Or where your biceps are supposedly located.

[talkstoposters]

Well, then you all need to start drinking calcium or something. Seriously.

[unpocoloco]

It really, really doesn't work like that.

But with that said, I wouldn't say no to watching this crazy metal fútbol game.

[talkstoposters]

Oh yeah, well how would you know? You ever give it a shot?

It'll probably happen one of these days, though I doubt most of you guys would be able to join. Not much of a game with only two players.

[unpocoloco]

Humanity's pretty good at trying things and sharing the results collectively. I think if that was something that worked we'd be on that by now.

That's sadly true. But perhaps you could join us with a handicap? Or someone could join you with a bunch of solid protective rune armor. I kind of just want to see this happen at this point.