UN: hisburlyness

[talkstoposters]

[When the camera starts rolling, it looks like things are being filmed from one of the teacher's lounges. At least, from what little of the background you can make out. Most of it seems to be blocked off by some kind of tall, dragon-like figure from the bits and pieces one can make out. Seems like the camera crew is pretty incompetent. After a few tries and some yelling from the one being recorded, things finally can begin.]

Morons! I knew I shouldn't have given latiku the day off!

Uh, boss? The camera's rolling.

Is it? About time! Took you chumps long enough.

[The big brute coughs loudly and clears his throat.]

Noticed a lot of you punks have no idea who I am! The nerve! I get an invitation here and when I finally show up, nobody's even heard of the awesomest king around? Seriously? That hurts a LOT.

[He probably did not receive an inviation here.]

But nothin' I can't handle. I'm thick-shelled, after all. So listen up! The name's Bowser! King of Koopas and ruler of all things awesome! Heard you needed a hand with some Nightball thing or whatever and I'm here to lend a hand. Gonna whip you all into shape with gym and teach you to throw an actual punch, instead whatever noddle smacks you've been doing before. Seriously, can't get over how many skinny nerds there are. First lesson in my phys ed class should be shoving you into lockers and making you find a way out. Guess dodge-ball will be the next best thing!

[Towards the later half of the message, the camera starts to become a lot less steady. By the end whoever's holding actually let it drop. The feed is still recording, though on its side and zoomed in. Bowser roars and stomps forward.]

IDIOTS!

[A stream of fire can be seen extending off from the area Bowser was standing before the recording finally cuts off.]

Comments

[deuteranope]

[you come crashing into his post, he comes crashing into yours.]

As one of those skinny little nerds, [with tattoos and piercings and an inability to go five minutes without cursing] I personally would like to see you fucking try catching me and getting me in a locker.

[talkstoposters]

[perfectly balanced, as all things should be]

Still talking big, even after getting a good look at what you're dealing with?

[Bowser laughs.]

You're either really brave or really dumb, but I'm starting to like you, kid. Not everybody's got the guts to stand up to me.

[deuteranope]

[Ugh, gross. He doesn't want a weird chunky dragon to like him.]

Bravery and stupidity are pretty much the same fucking thing, but it's basic fucking maths to know your lumbering ass couldn't get your claws on me even if my shoes were tied together.

[yokeye]

Hey, what's your locker and/or dodge-ball policy on skinny kids who are not nerds!? Might I suggest it be something along the lines of complete exemption from all gym classes~!?

[talkstoposters]

[Another laugh.]

That sounds like a bet. You gonna follow through on that? Or you gonna talk big and then chicken out?

[talkstoposters]

Only a nerd would turn down a class as awesome as gym. Especially a gym class taught by yours truly.

[deuteranope]

Ohh, you wanna get our woefully sad Professor Atchison in on this to make it official, dude? I'm sure he'd love to preside over this stupid shit.

[He usually prefers to avoid Avery in person, just dunking on him online, but this would be so worth it.]

[yokeye]

[Well, that didn't work.]

That's true~! I guess I'll be attending every single gym class! Gym classes where I don't know much about any sports at all and therefore I'd have some questions~! With that knowledge, are you sure you don't want to rephrase your original response into something more in favor of exemptions~!?

UN: STEADFASTSTANCE

[betheman]

[The bear is DISPLEASED...but the word 'Should' is magic and keeps him from grumbling about lockers.]

It is known as, 'Nightfall'.

Beyond this, is dodge-ball truly so effective, as a form of combat instruction..? [The english is...slow. Definitely makes sense. But he takes his time. It's not his first language, sadly.]

[unpocoloco]

Hey now, skinny doesn't mean I can't play. You ever done any fútbol?

[He asks of a growling dragon turtle man. Whilst being a man with a cane. This was well thought out.]

un: black

[marmoron]

[Oh well this sure is precious. Keith's mostly done laughing by the time he replies to this, but there's still a bit of amusement ooking through.]

Sounds like you're having a good time.

[talkstoposters]

Professor who? [He shrugs.] Whatever. Works for me.

[talkstoposters]

GWAHAHAHAHA!

[...Toki, that laugh does not sound good.]

You kidding? I love sports! By the time I'm done with you, you'll be overqualified for the Olympics!

[Why does he know what the Olympics are but not...nevermind.]

[talkstoposters]

[At least this kid isn't like Midbus. Nobody could understand that guy.]

Obviously you've never played if you're asking me THAT. Dodgeball's great for training your reflexes. Get good or get pelted!

[talkstoposters]

You better believe it! Only the way I play is a lot more intense than how you guys do it.

[talkstoposters]

I would be, if these idiots could do their jobs without screwing up for once! Good help is a pain in the neck to find.

[Apparently the mirth in Keith's voice goes unnoticed. Bowser doesn't seem to notice it, though he does still seem annoyed by how his awesome introduction was ruined.]

[marmoron]

Good minions are hard to come by, huh.

[A beat.]

What awesome things are you the king of, exactly?

[yokeye]

[It's a terrifying laugh, but the mention of the Olympics negates any lasting ominous feelings.]

Overqualified~!? Does that mean there's something above the gold medal!? Is it some awesome Outlands metal or ore from your kingdom or like sort of a diamond equivalent that's made by compression of the lava~!?

[deuteranope]

Christ. Learn your fucking coworkers, lardass, really? Making the kid do all the fucking work. More evidence I got this shit in the bag, I guess.

[talkstoposters]

Why should I? I've got better things to do than learn the names of every chump here. Like practicing how I'll say "I told you so" when I school you.

[deuteranope]

[Big ol' smirk that makes you wanna punch Mav in the face even more than usual. He's good at those.]

Yeah, that's a pretty foreign sentence for you, huh? Must be complicated for someone who's never said it before, and you got that fucking little brain to work with, too! I'll let you get right to fucking practice.

[talkstoposters]

Obviously my kingdom and everything in it. Mountains, volcano, amusement parks, my subjects, and basically everything else. I'm a pretty big deal.

[talkstoposters]

...that's not a bad idea. I'll keep it in mind. But nah. All I'm saying is you'll be able to stomp any of those "athletes" like they were "mathletes"! We've got Olympics where I'm from and ours runs circles around what you guys call 'em. Who better to train you than yours truly?

[yokeye]

[He can't think of anyone better; not that he's going to ever take gym though.]

No one could possibly be better than a king~!

[betheman]

Mnh...it is less that, and more...I played, as a child?

I suppose if it is for, typical 'gym' class however, it makes sense as part of the...'curriculum', [he admits.]

...I am unsure that combat...is the goal of gym however...

[He sounds pretty unsure too. Largely because...technically they ARE getting ready for a war...]

[marmoron]

[Kind of a big deal, he says. Keith has... honestly never heard of most magical crap prior to Daybreak so he's not disinclined to give Bowser that point. Maybe he's a big deal? Who knows.]

How big?

[One things for sure though. Going from being a king to a gym teacher seems like a pretty hefty downgrade. He'll keep that to himself.]

[unpocoloco]

More intense? How so? You're not confusing this with dumb American football are you?

[thedevilwearsgucci]

Pleasure to meet you. No. Really.

[ She takes a sip of coffee from a very tiny cup. ]

I only hope you keep those baptisms-by-fire within the metaphorical sense, when it comes to the students. Some of them can be quite flammable.

[talkstoposters]

What? You serious? Not jerking my chain?

[Bowser just kind of...stares blankly at the screen, blinking a few times before returning to his neutral expression, thought slightly more grumpy than usual.]

Alright, listen up, because I'm only gonna say this once. Gym's what keeps you rough, tough, and ultra buff! You think you're gonna beat up daemons with some twig arms and legs? Guess again, chump. They'll stomp you flat! All the combat training in the world ain't gonna help you if your bod's a mess!

[talkstoposters]

The biggest. Didn't I make that clear enough? Nobody's a bigger deal than yours truly! NOBODY!

[talkstoposters]

Well for starter's, bucko, the ball we use is made of metal and our goalies have biceps the size of your head.

[talkstoposters]

Why are you overemphasizing that? Obviously it's a pleasure to meet me. I met, have you met me?

[Bowser laughs, clearly more smug and confident than he has any right to be.]

And relax. I won't be torching the little twerps; pretty sure it's against my contract. Not that I read it.

[talkstoposters]

Please, you think I'm just a royal who sits on his keister? I'm a gold medalist!

[He will drag him to his class, don't think he won't.]

[unpocoloco]

[Bucko...???]

Ah, biceps aren't that impressive. Fútbol's about what you can do with the rest of yourself. [He's maybe messing with the guy a little.]

A metal ball doesn't seem like it would be all the fun to play with though. I kind of like my toes unbroken.

[talkstoposters]

Yeah, well, most of 'em got biceps all over, so take THAT.

[He's just saying things at this point. Sorry.]

Unbroken? Oh, right. I forget how squishy most of you humans are. Weird. Even Peach can kick that thing so hard it splits into three, and she's the most dainty person I know. Did you all just get dropped on your heads or something?

[unpocoloco]

[Biceps all-- what?]

Well I don't know who or what Peach is but usually it's the bones that are breaking more than the squishy parts there. Metal is stronger than bone, typically, in normal humans, so science and all means the bone breaks first. Doesn't really matter how strong you are there.

Or where your biceps are supposedly located.

[betheman]

[Twigs. Gongenzaka. These things do not quite...line up but-]

Auh....

...Certainly for basic fitness it is adequate but...

Combat should require more refined practice, should it not? More focus upon certain techniques and strengths..?

[His first mistake was (not) taking Bowser seriously, but here they are now,]

[talkstoposters]

[The koopa king folds his arms against his chest. Fingers idly drum against his arm as he lets out a dismissive snort.]

Basic fitness is what lets you do anything in combat practice! Besides, I'm already teaching a combat class: Ghost Punching 101! Soon to be just Punching 101! How's that for flexing your combat muscle?

[talkstoposters]

Well, then you all need to start drinking calcium or something. Seriously.

[betheman]

[He almost continues the path of argument, except-]

Ghost punching..?

As in, combat against otherwise intangible beings..?

[No, he's reading too much into it...] ...That is something I would absolutely wish to look into...

[unpocoloco]

It really, really doesn't work like that.

But with that said, I wouldn't say no to watching this crazy metal fútbol game.

[talkstoposters]

Oh yeah, well how would you know? You ever give it a shot?

It'll probably happen one of these days, though I doubt most of you guys would be able to join. Not much of a game with only two players.

[talkstoposters]

Duh! Why else would I name it that? I'm bringing in real ghosts and everything. So if you want in, you better sign up fast!

[Because obviously everyone would be flocking to Bowser to take part in his "awesome" class. Yeah.]

[unpocoloco]

Humanity's pretty good at trying things and sharing the results collectively. I think if that was something that worked we'd be on that by now.

That's sadly true. But perhaps you could join us with a handicap? Or someone could join you with a bunch of solid protective rune armor. I kind of just want to see this happen at this point.

[betheman]

I- I see!!

[........................]

I will definitely...Look at the application!

[...He might have to talk to other students about this...]