thanks, mav

[suddenlybees]

Offer good one per person, per calendar month.
Please contact with serious offers only.
Full payment required upfront.

Comments

[heromedal]

I don't think it's mandatory to have a date, even if I was going.

[ Wait. Is it? Shit, he doesn't actually know. ]

[suddenlybees]

Oh, didn't you know?
It's mandatory~!!!
That's why everybody's been so riled up trying to partner up with somebody!
It's so close to the date, the pickings are getting pretty slim now!
You'd better hurry and decide if you want to go!

[heromedal]

Okay.

So theoretically if I was inclined who would you ‘hook me up’ with?

[ Terrible. Awful. Don’t quote ‘normal terms’ Rex. ]

[suddenlybees]

The best sort of partner is somebody you'd get along with~
Help me out a little, alright?
I'll see who I know that's most compatible!
What sort of person do you like?

[heromedal]

[ Don't say 'no one' don't say 'no one' don't say 'no one.' ]

No one in particular.

[ Nailed it. ]

[suddenlybees]

Not picky, huh~
That's the best way to do it!
The sort of person you like is whoever you come to like~
That's commendable~!
That also makes it easy for me!
If you don't care, why don't you go with me?

[heromedal]

[ It's more like he's concluded he's nobody's type and thus has just mentally removed himself from the whole thing without fanfare. ]

Are you going to charge me?

[suddenlybees]

How much are you willing to pay?

[heromedal]

[ Rex saw this coming and wrote his reply in advance, so it comes in exactly half a second after Kano asks. ]

Nothing.

[suddenlybees]

LOL it was worth a try~
I won't charge you anything, then~
A special service, for just the one evening~!

[heromedal]

I don't actually know who you are, you realise.

[ Which isn't a no. ]

[suddenlybees]

Not a problem at all~
It'll be like a blind date, then~!
How exciting~!!!

[heromedal]

Do you even know who I am either?

[ If he'd ever read one he'd be starting to feel like the straight man protagonist of gag manga.

[suddenlybees]

Epicyon.
Aren't you Rex?

[heromedal]

So you do.

[ Which makes it weirder. He's ugly with a terrible personality- which I guess means he has at least one thing in common with this dude.

Oh well. He'll snoop out who this is, shouldn't be too hard.

Well, it's not like I'm doing anything special that night anyway.

[suddenlybees]

[ With how often Kano posts to the network, it shouldn't be too hard to find a real name and face to attach with his username... Three years of shitposts... ]

Perfect~
I'd pick you up but I'll be running a bit late, so...
How about I come find you after dinner?

[heromedal]

I'll just turn up whenever if I actually want to go.

[ He also hasn't said YES yet either.

It needs careful calculation with actual math and everything. ]

[suddenlybees]

Aw, there's a chance you'll stand me up?
I might cry, Rex!!

[heromedal]

I’m quite sure you’re the sort of person who would have fun without me, so you’ll forgive me for being fairly unconcerned with that outcome.

Besides, ‘why don’t you go with me’ and then seeing if I’ll pay for the privilege isn’t especially romantic.

[ Fucking woo a guy, geeze. ]

[suddenlybees]

But I won't have as *much* fun without you...
You're in Aube, right?
3rd floor?
Are you in your room right now?
If not, can you head over to your room for a bit?

[heromedal]

Before I do, I’m going to emphasise that I hate surprises.

[ Especially since he doesn’t know Kano’s abilities or personality that much, so for all he knows Kano is going to attempt to p, I dunno, poison him with pollen from a rare flower that causes heart attacks. Or shout boo at him when he doesn’t expect it and give him a heart attack. Or feed him food high in cholesterol and give him a heart attack. ]

[suddenlybees]

[ He's trying to get Rex to come to the party, heart attacks won't happen until after then, don't worry, don't worry ]

Aw, I'll have to rethink those plans, then~
But do you hate all surprises?
Even the pleasant ones?
There's so much in the world you can't predict, after all~
The world's just full of surprises~!

[heromedal]

[ 'There's so much in the world you can't predict, after all~' and 'The world's just full of surprises~' alternates as echoes in his head repeatedly and each time feels like an anvil is being dropped on his chest.^*

We'll see about that. ]

'Pleasant surprise' is an oxymoron as far as I'm concerned.

But if it's moderate I can tolerate it.

*"Lisa needs braces. Dental plan!"

[suddenlybees]

We'll have to build up that tolerance!
Be on the lookout for moderately pleasant surprises~

[heromedal]

Please don't.

[...Hmmm, wait. ]

Or at least make them pleasant but moderately surprising instead.