un: likesflowers | late night thoughts about mortality with a ten year old

[alreadyhuman]

[ This post shows up at one of those 'no reasonable person should be awake at this time' hours, like 4 in the morning. ]

If you knew you were going to die

How would you feel? what are you meant to feel?

[ Vivi is not even remotely tech-savvy enough to know how to conceal his identity, so this is a great look into his mental state right now.

Which is to say: not good. ]

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[hattersgonnahat]

[Since the mark, sleep had been a weird fickle thing that comes and goes at unusual hours. As one might after sleeping for a whole day. Needless to say, she heard the sound of someone messing with their phone, or caught a glimpse of that all too familiar screen glow.]

[...Should she actually say anything or continue to ignore it? Hmmm...]

[alreadyhuman]

[ Vivi is trying to be unobtrusive and hide his phone under the covers so it doesn't light up the room. He's not doing very well with it so far.

If he apologises, will he make it awkward? Should he just pretend like he's not typing on his phone?? aaaaaaa

The end result of this internal trainwreck is that Vivi is hiding under the covers but Puella can hear him still tapping on the phone. ]

[hattersgonnahat]

[He could have been doing a wide number of things!! A lot of people play on phones and such when they're not actually tired. It's normal.]

[...]

[Which really Puella shouldn't be that ashamed for being wide awake either, in that case.]

Can't sleep too? [Pokes head out from under sheets.]

[alreadyhuman]

[ He thinks about saying 'yeah' and just leaving it at that but that just feels...bad. Like lying.

Puella is so nice and his friend, so he doesn't want to make her sad and bother her with his problems. But, still. ]

Uh-huh.

I've just been thinking a lot about stuff. [ About dying, about whether it's right, about how to feel... ] It's hard to sleep when I think about it, so I just...don't sleep as much. Anymore.

[hattersgonnahat]

[--What no. Vivi that's bad.]

Why can't you stop thinking about the other thing?

[alreadyhuman]

Um.

It's just...really difficult, I guess? To stop thinking about it. Cause it's...big, and heavy, and it just kinda sits there. [ He's putting off actually saying what it is for as long as possible. ]

[hattersgonnahat]

[Another big heavy thing, oh boy.]

[But hey, she's proving to be a self-proclaimed expert on these sorts of things lately.] What is it?

[alreadyhuman]

...It's really sad.

Are you sure you wanna talk about it? Cause it's not really something you can, um...forget. [ It's only fair that he asks, right? It's such a big burden. He can't just say it like that.]

[hattersgonnahat]

I can handle it!!

[It's probably no better or worse than everything else she knows so far, to be fair. Though she refrains from saying that. Not many needed to know that.]

[alreadyhuman]

...Okay.

You know how I was, um...made, right? That I'm a construct, and everything? [ He twists his blankets in his hands, his voice small. ]

I got made with a, um...time limit, I guess. Like all the other black mages did. So, after Nightfall...all the stuff that keeps me together stops working. Forever.

[ Saying 'I'm going to die' is hard, at least out loud. ] So...I've been thinking about it a lot...cause there's only a few months left.

[hattersgonnahat]

[She somehow already suspected this had to do with that factory and all. And she does not say anything. Not because she didn't care, far from it actually. She was not exactly sure what to say at the moment.]

...You're not gonna die, Vivi. [So apparently all that silence was not put towards coming up with better words after all. Puella was not going to beat around it since she already knew what he basically wanted and yet didn't want to say. All of this was no different than before, at least. They handled it about the same way, just maybe with more fanciful words at the time.]

[All of it, and also none of it. She goes silent again since she had no proof for that statement yet, and it was the reason why she still needed to work harder too. To discover, learn, do something before it was too late. But she was pretty determined about it.]

I'll find something to keep you alive too.

[Yeah, that's a "too". Just like them, constructs.]

[alreadyhuman]

Is there someone else you wanna help too...? [ He didn't miss that 'too', for sure.

Puella's always been so nice. And knowing she's helping more people, well, that's just more proof. ]

[hattersgonnahat]

Hmmm, it's actually two.

[So, it's going to be even more work to keep both of them alive.]

They live in the rift, so no one else ever sees them. ...It's complicated.

[alreadyhuman]

Are they like me? Like...made. Or were they born like you?

[ His problems are pushed aside for the moment because he wants to hear about this stuff. ]

[hattersgonnahat]

Nope, they were made.

They're the last ones too, and really old, so all of their friends had already uh...well... ['That'.]

--But it's sorta cool because they been teaching me stuff, like the magic that made them. So, if I get good enough at it I could probably do something.