irisnetwork | un: weaseling

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un: weaseling

so bumble got me thinking
well first of all maverick's the "cafe" run by (you fucking guessed it) maverick (that's me) will still be just inside the lum dorms for weekdays even though there'll be fucking cameras around I guess

no more popsicles since that one asshole took off and won't answer his fucking phone but there's plenty of hot chocolate, temp tattoos, and bumble has so graciously agreed to provide cookies on occasion.
the tats are kinda in limited supply but hey that's what markers are for
and if you want someone educating on tattoos, it's gotta be me I'm great
all this cafe shit is supposed to be for rounding up loose kids but if you need a sugar rush I ain't gonna stop you
unless like...it sounds super fucking funny at the time

anyway second of all, the part she actually got me thinking about
I checked with Mama and she said the camera crew is staying somewhere else so her base has space

if you need some time (like a couple days) minus a kiddo or they just can't fucking be around during that tv shit because they look or act like a freak show
reserve a room at INN OF ATROPOS
weirdo-friendly, respects your privacy, nice as shit, food's kickass, the manager's a total babe, you get the idea
normally she'd super fucking frown on just dumping a kid at her doors but she gets this shit is kinda a weird circumstance

also let it be known I will literally bash your fucking head in if you fuck up Mama's inn, whether that you is big or little just saying

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[Still better than curling against the wall or hauling off to set the place ablaze, he'll take it.]

Soooo when you fucking let yourself indulge in shit you like, you feel happy. Holy shit, my mind is blown. You're so fucking stupid.

...Maybe I should add occasional spa trips to my 'list of shit to save up for'. I actually got some decent fucking sleep for once when I stopped there before bed.

And hey, the room smells nice.

[Because Akechi smells nice. Like super, unfairly nice. If he did have a crush, this would be driving him absolutely insane because he'd want to bury his face in this asshole's neck to soak it all in.]

Ask nicely and I'll even play masseuse for you. And by "ask" I mean "beg" because I got the fucking touch and I'm worth it.

Marsaille has some fucking amazing scented soaps. Apparently French scented soaps originated there, so they have some of the best you can find. It blows my normal body wash out of the water.

Would you take bartering instead of begging? Help me out with my shoulders and back, and you can use the soap. Hell, I'll even let you pick the scent, I got a few.

[It's secretly hilarious to Mav that Akechi is genuinely just like this about some things, even with his rough mannerisms. This must be what it's like when people see Mav with his stupid, cute cat paraphernalia.]

See, I'm thinking if I just steal the soap and rub it on my junk, you won't be so keen to get it back. Free soap!

Then I'd have to kick your ass until you coughed up the cost of them. It'd be a shame to risk fucking up my manicure, though, so maybe I'd just kick you in the dick instead.

Right in my freshly-washed dick... That's cold.

[He obviously not taking very seriously, with his lazy smirk and tone. A shame, though, he was hoping Akechi was just ridiculously prudish enough that he could get away with that.]

Alright, to preserve my dick, I'll settle.

What kind of detective would I be if I let someone get away with stealing my shit?

[He doesn't seem too serious either, looking much more relaxed now that the subject has moved away from something painful. In fact, he's looking kind of upbeat.]

I'll unpack the ones I haven't used yet later.

[Good. Things are a lot nicer when nobody's descending into a gross pit of anger, and Maverick puts his pillow behind him again so he can lean back into it.]

Yeah, whatever. No rush right now.

[aaaah, much more comfortable.]

[He picks his phone back up, turning bright red again at what's on the screen, then closes that search window and flips back to his photo album.]

Do you want me to e-mail you my Marseille photos?

[Mav is delighted. Would've been nice to let that one stew a little bit more, but he got to see the reaction, and that makes it worth it.]

Mm? Sure, then I can show Mama and she'll tell me I super fucked up not going. But hey, I had an appointment.

You'd have probably felt out of place, anyway. The hotel we were in was the sort of fancy ass place where rich assholes stay and look down their noses at anyone who looks too much like working class.

[pffh.]

Yeah, I probably would've stayed in the whole time. Or seen how many people I could fucking bug, if the place had balconies to hop to and play with.

Hop to? You mean parkour?

[His eyebrow quirks up.]

Oh, come on. Don't tell me princess got another point in his favor.

I started as a way to get around without drawing attention, or to escape entitled assholes who think they can stop me in the street to demand an autograph. It turned out to be pretty fun, though...it's one of the few times I actually feel free.

Better way to discover it than dodging police, I guess.

[oops?]

Being part of the police force tends to make that unnecessary...though, dodging rabid fans is probably just as terrifying.

Nah. Even if the police in Soleil are equipped for some weird fucking shit, rabid fans are definitely scarier. Police in the mundie towns I hung out in? Deeefinitely more annoying than terrifying.

I can tell you, the Tokyo police force isn't equipped to deal with weird shit. The normal officers and higher ups are fucking stumped over a recent case with some phantom thieves that 'steal hearts' and make people's personalities change.

Uh, no shit.

[What do you expect of the poor normal people... In fact -- ]

Yo, pauper. What do you making of those thieves?

Why do they change people?

So far, they've just claimed credit for criminals. But I don't know exactly how they do it, so I can't be sure they aren't warping other people's minds, too.

[He's still gonna address the kiddo, for now.]

Think they're really stealing hearts?

Probably not literally, but...maybe. If all this magic shit is real, why not some sort of spell that steals feelings?

That already exists, it's called depression.

[BA DUM TSHH anyway]

Sounds like a hard fucking case to solve whether it's magic shit or not -- but I'd be willing to bet some fucking daemon is involved, somehow.

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