UN: Mario#1 Voice-

[p1]

Its-a me, Mario!

[ The voice is surely familiar to almost everyone, even the newest of members to the Daybreak faculty. Even if it's just from the occasional sound of 'woo' and 'hah' heard in the halls, but who doesn't have at least one class with the omnipresent electives instructor? ]

Ah, the new year, she has begun with such promise. I'm so happy to see so many new and old faces, ready and eager to learn!

Now there is-a something very special to learn I have to teach. It's-a something everyone has to know. Are you-a reeeeeady?

[ There's a pause, a loud slurping noise and- ]

Don't flush paper towels! Mamma Mia!

[ The sound cuts. ]

((ooc: There is always the option to wildcard me and have a character encounter Mario running around doing a task of some sort. He's everywhere. ))

Comments

[peace_keeper]

[Here's one person who has NEVER caused backed up plumbing. Except for that one time back in 2003 she threw a toilet at a daemon that had slipped on campus.]

Is...that a major concern?

[p1]

Not if you got really high heels!

[ He remembers that. The lecture on respecting pipes that followed had serious passion behind it. He might have called her Eighty-Loo for a while afterwards. ]

Fer cryin' out loud, they aren't made for it. Try putting-a pastrami through a drink straw, you'll-a know what I mean.

[peace_keeper]

I have admittedly never given much thought to plumbing fixtures.

[p1]

Well.

Thats-a problem too.

[ He audibly 'hmmmmmms' and concludes- ]

You should-a join my plumbing class.

[peace_keeper]

I am of the flame immortal. I do not produce...wastes. That is a mortal thing.

[p1]

Oh, what a waste that is!

[ /air horn. ]

Well, next time a big-a beast is lurking in the sewers and you-a gotta go get 'em, don't say I didn't warn you!

[peace_keeper]

If such a situation comes to pass, I shall rely on your extensive experience, and you may say "I told you so."

[p1]

Oh! I'mm-a put that in my diary.

[ You know he literally is. He's gonna wait until this happens and refer to this date and time. ]

You know you can't expect ol' Mario to be around forever though.

[ Except you can, he just won't admit it. ]

[peace_keeper]

When that tragic day comes, I'm sure I will find a way to soldier on.

[p1]

Ah, you sure will.

[ There’s a gently pleased sigh, a very ‘I’m so proud of how you’ve grown up’ sound despite literally everything in reality making that inappropriate. ]

And on that day, I gift you my best plunger.

[peace_keeper]

I am unworthy of such a magnanimous gift.

[Did she just make a JOKE?]

[p1]

[ The silence is as heavy as a Thwomp.

Before being filled with his tinkling, sparkling laughter. ]

Oh! It's-a funny because it's true!

[ He's so proud tho. ]

[eudaimonikos]

[Now, Michael is an immortal daemon, and he's seen and done a lot of things in his time.

Right now, a specific incident maybe seventy-five years ago comes to mind. He'd encountered some weird mushroom-looking people in the Outlands and, curious about these things he'd never seen before, immediately tried to suck out and consume their souls. Judging from the fact that a short, shouty Italian human had then jumped on what passed for his head until he left, his conclusion was that mushroom souls were incredibly hallucinogenic, and he'd never gone back.

That was a long time ago, and Michael doesn't look a thing like he did then. He never bothered disguising himself as a human in the Outlands; that'd be just dangerous. But he's got a very good memory, which is why when he walks out of the student union and sees Mario, he immediately drops the table he was dragging with a loud thunk.]

What the fuck.

[p1]

Eh, whaddaya think you’re doing!? I just clean that floor!

[ Scampering over with his mop in hand, Mario scrub a dub dubs all around the table, casually lifting it with one arm to get under the legs. All the while he mumbles a rapid stream of complaint that goes something like this- ]

Ohfercryingoutloudaguyjustcleansafloorandanotherguyscuffsthefloorwhatsaguysupposedtodo, eh, itsaniceflooreveryoneoughtatakemorecare, ayaiyayia.

[ He gently places the table back down and concludes- ]

And try to watch your language in the halls, eh? We got kiddies to think about.

[eudaimonikos]

[What the fuck though. Michael just steps back, watching this all take place with wide eyes. There's several questions running through his mind, so he just blurts one of them out:]

You know there's a dead kid in your hat?

[p1]

Suuuuure. He's-a booret.

[ B'Dum Tsh. ]

[ Mario nods a few times in a quietly patronising manner, taking Cappy from his head and examining him in depth. When he gets put back on his head, a pair of suspicious eyes sprout over that classic M emblem, squinting at Michael for a second before vanishing where they came from. ]

You know there's-a scuff on my floor?

[eudaimonikos]

[What the fuck.]

Yeah, uh... [Michael looks down at the scuff as if seeing it for the first time. Stuff like that doesn't generally even enter his mind.] ...sorry? I'm taking this outside to burn it, on account of all the daemonic runes.

[There are, in fact, several daemonic runes on the tabletop. Some are drawn in red Sharpie, and some are just burnt in there, though they all appear to be the same symbol.]

[p1]

Hmmm...

[ Mario hops around the table (literally) looking at it from every angle. He even slides under it before concluding- ]

You take it with me, I clear that right up! Mama Mario's special clean-up mixture never fails!

[ Picking up his mop amd bucket, Mario scampers on his towards his workshop- pausing only to wave Michael to follow. ]

C'mon, lets-a go!

[eudaimonikos]

...okay.

[Far be it from him to deny the will of...the dude who jumped on his head like twelve times almost a century ago. Did that really happen? He seems mostly human, but he still looks young? What's his deal???

Michael's understanding of reality is taking a few blows, so he's just gonna pick the table up and follow.]

[p1]

[ Mario's workshop is thankfully not too far, especially if Micheal keeps up with his jogging which seems to be the slowest he goes most days.

It is filled with a wide variety of tools arranged neatly on hooks. Some are mundane and some sure to be what the fuck inducing, such as numbered wrenches and giant turtle shells. ]

Now let's-a take a look! How nasty you say these symbols are?

[ In a snap, his cap has been replaced with a pair of goggles and a hard hat- though the same soul resides within in as he examines the table in depth. ]

[eudaimonikos]

Oh, they're for daemon summoning. I canceled them out, see - [He points to the slashes through all of them.] - so they're not active right now. Be calling up some pretty nasty stuff if they were.

[spoilers: it's him, he is the daemon that these particular sigils call, and he doesn't want his metaphysical phone number written down for just any rando to copy]

Still, seems like a bad thing to leave lying around. I don't want kids thinking this is the cool new graffiti trend.

[p1]

Hmmm. Hooo, I think I see this one before somewhere...

[ He thinks on this puzzle briefly. He's stomped on a lot of daemons over the years. ]

Oh well! Can't-a be anyone too memorable.

[ Now, he could clear up the pen ones easily, but these burnt in ones... ]

Okie dokie! You any good with-a the sandpaper?

[ Doesnt matter, Mario is already throwing some at him. ]

[eudaimonikos]

Oh, well, I'm sure they're a pretty cool, devil-may-care type -

[He lifts a hand to smooth his hair down, but the motion's arrested as he's forced to catch the sandpaper flying at his face.]

Uh. Won't that ruin the table?

[p1]

Nooo! You just do it like-a this...

[ Mario demonstrates, a nice little scratchy circle on one of the burnt in symbols. Just enough to take the burn off, which does leave a little bald patch. ]

Then we just apply a varnish when done!

[ He turns a hand, palm up towards Micheal. Now you! ]

It's-a always better to fix things, than get new ones!

[eudaimonikos]

Is it...?

[Michael hesitates for a moment, largely because he is extremely not accustomed to doing any kind of physical work with his physical human hands. It would be a lot easier for him to use magic, maybe burn the table even further....just, less than he was originally planning.

But that would maybe out him as a daemon. Assuming the hat ghost hasn't noticed already, but it hasn't said anything, so he thinks he's still okay? Letting Mario realize that he's a daemon at this point seems...uncomfortable. He's not at all freaked out by the guy! It'd just be awkward!

So, uh. Sandpapering the table now.]

[p1]

[ You don't get burns out with burns! Fighting fire with fire is not a literal phrase! ]

Sure! Everything needs-a second chance now and then.

[ Mario has no idea this comment is vaguely relevant to Michael's inner thoughts. Life is just like that sometimes.

Mario watches his sandpapering and offers encouragement and tips whilst doing his own. Follow the grain! Doesn't take too long. ]

Just a little work, you make anything beautiful!

[eudaimonikos]

[Hey, his original plan was to just burn the whole thing to ash!]

You think so?

[But the sandpapering isn't all that hard once you get to doing it. Michael still doesn't think it looks very nice, but the guy seems to have a plan. He's so used to building fake things - illusions he crafts in theory and absolutely never in practice. Maybe crafts are actually interesting?]

There's a lot of pretty bad stuff out there.

[p1]

Hah-hah, don't-a I know it!

[ He has, after all, managed to cram enough evil vanquishing into his life it's probably a record ratio of time to darkness defeated. ]

But that's-a okay. There's a lot more good. I think there's enough good for everyone.

[ He adds a few perfectly executed but very weird to see performed by his little chubby body karate moves as he adds- ]

Even if you gotta knock it into 'em sometimes!

[ He laughs a little more, whilst retrieving some varnish and a pair of fresh, new brushes. ]

Oh! I forget, where are my manners! I'mma Mario, Mario Mario. I been here so long, I forget not everyone knows me. You new, eh?

[eudaimonikos]

Mario...Mario?

[He can't tell if there were three Marios in there, or two, or if you just have one name and repeated it thrice?]

I'm Michael. Been here a year or so.

un: mortiscausa | Text

[subconmodo]

Wasn't me.

I'm actually being honest about this for once too.

[p1]

Oh yeah?

If you convince a student to do it, it’s still you fault.

[subconmodo]

Look, just because I may have mentioned possibly thinking about it once or twice fittest mean that I did any convincing either way.

These kids are free spirits! The kinds of people who follow their whims wherever they may lead.

Or something.

[p1]

I'm getting my hammer.

[subconmodo]

I was speaking in hypotheticals.

Also, it is my firm belief that hammers lack the ability to quash the spirit of the bright, impressionable masses in said hypothetical situation.

[p1]

The hammer isn't for the students.

[subconmodo]

[He knows. Lord help him he knows.]

Or their handsome, charismatic teacher.

[p1]

[ Can he hear the pitter patter of little feet approaching?

Or is that in his mind? ]

Can't help to try!

[subconmodo]

You'll never catch me alive.

[which is why he's totally not hiding in the shadows until Mario passes. He doesn't hide from anyone!]

[p1]

[ He scampers past.

Stops.

Scambers back.

Goes 'hmmm' whilst stroking his chin.

Sends out a text. ]

This is a text.

[ TEXT RECIEVED NOISE? ]

[subconmodo]

[TEXT RECEIVED NOISE.]

[There's a beat of silence, and then little by little the shadow in that shadowy corner starts to inch to the door.]

Let's, uh, call it a draw.

[p1]

Lets-a not.

[ He leaps! He swings! The hammer is hurtling in!

eek-eek

It squeaks! ]