001 ♔ UN: USOTSUKI

[decipere]

hewwo to all you new students!

learning a new language can be really hard! especially if you're not allllll that bright, but don't worry! i've gone ahead and conjugated a really important word in french for you guys because i'm such a nice guy! (o˘◡˘o)

j'owo
tu owows
il owo
nous owoins
vous owoez
ils owoent

make sure to use them a lot in your essays and tests! i swear on my great uncle's wife's friend's life that your teachers would really appreciate it!

Comments

[decipere]

yup! that's all that means! thanks for agreeing, arisato-chan. that makes my life waaaaay easier now!

which one do you like better? strangulation or blunt force trauma?

[compendiem]

Uh... Strangulation is cleaner, but blunt force trauma sounds quicker. Are those my only two options?

[decipere]

wow! you're so picky! fine, here are two more options, but i'm not thinking of any more!

stabbed or pushed off the roof?

[compendiem]

Stabbed. You can make that look like an accident, but the rest are harder.
What about you?

[decipere]

me? oh, i'll never die. dying's for losers and i'm a winner 100%!

[compendiem]

I see...

[ so... kokichi is a cockroach... he'll never die and that's unfortunate. ]

I guess that's why you're the Supreme Leader. Helping all us out like this.

[decipere]

[ minato is more than free to try and kill him, though. everyone should at least make one attempt to kill or shove kokichi into a locker tbh ]

yup! aren't i just the nicest guy you've ever met?

[compendiem]

...Yeah, actually. You are.

[ You know what? Yeah. If he thinks about it, Kokichi's been a dick, but he's also been one of the nicest people here— if only because Minato's just got here and hasn't met anybody else, there's no other competition. ]

[decipere]

[ kaito momota would like to have a word with you, minato ]

seriously? wow, that's actually pretty sad! you should get out more, arisato-chan

[compendiem]

[ When are you going to play Kaito or will I have to do it myself ]

But what if I meet new people, and can no longer boast about having the nicest roommate?

[decipere]

[ funny you say that, i literally just made a kaito account this morning. now i can rp against MYSELF ]

hmmm, i guess you're right! i don't like sharing. supreme leaders should be greedy, after all.

well, you asked for it, so i guess you're all mine now! i'll come back and triple lock our door so you can't ever leave me. ♡ ～('▽^人)

[compendiem]

[ Do it. Play dangan Kaito and I'll play pre-dangan Kaito and will probably cry the entire time, why was he the way he was, Ichi ]

What about the windows? And the shared bathroom?

[decipere]

[ card, i will absolutely do this with you. please. i fucking hate the pre-game kids so much. i hate them all but they're my precious. i can even give you pre-game shuichi or pre-game kokichi. i've been meaning to have an excuse to play either one forever. ]

nothing to worry about after i handcuff you to the heater and give you a bucket ( ‾́ ◡ ‾́ )

[compendiem]

[ Oh my god pre-game Shuichi. pre-game kids are the worst but also the best bc I barely have to canonreview anything, I can just watch endgame. ]

How generous, heat and a chair. Do I get regular meals too, or is that pushing my luck?

[decipere]

[ pre-game shuichi is sadly my favourite. he's a disgusting fanboy and he can annoy pre-game kaito about it. think of all the people you could kill.................... ]

you know, i think we just recently got a rat infestation or something. that should be more than enough to feed you for a few weeks

[compendiem]

Everything's figured out. I wouldn't have to leave the room at all. Awesome. I'm trusting you to rat hunting.

[decipere]

what makes you think i'll go rat hunting for you?

[compendiem]

I assumed because I'm shackled to the heater.

[decipere]

they run around in our room as well. you can just stomp on them when one or two scurry by!

[compendiem]

So I'd have to make do with a meter of range... I think I can do it. Fearless things, though... I'd imagine they'd nestle in the blankets and stuff, the closet, rather than crossing the empty floor.