irisnetwork | un: weaseling

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un: weaseling

Note/textbook highlighting/ease of reading
€10-15

Editing/proofreading
€15-20

Tutoring: french, eng, maths, science
cost depends on grade and if they're fucking annoying

Coffee delivery
cost of drink/food + €5

Tattoo design
depends what it is but they can just go to a real fucking artist if I don't cut the cost

Catsitting
~~€10/hr~~ maybe just cat glamour shots

Fistfight
do this shit for free

Drinking buddy
pay for my drinks tbh

~~Healing??~~
no fuck charging for that

and tell them all to get me shit for bday

[when you accidentally post instead of saving a draft]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I didn't say I wanted to be, I said the color looked cool. But ay, no, can you imagine how bad that would look on me?

what a nightmare
thank god I don't tan when I fucking have to be out in the sun...

Entirely orange. Scarier than any outlands creature.

barf

[And then...after he's had some time to get riled up and to calm back on down:] you ever hear of some shit called hamon?

this sounds like updog but it's not I'm legit asking and I hate it

You'd never catch me off gaurd with updog, everyone knows it's the hit new craze.

But no. Can't say I have. Do I get a hint for context?

honestly I'm fucking stunned

but nah was just curious
guess it's something like radiance

I do that to people.

Hmm, well. I'm mostly the Outlands and Normal People guy as far as magical knowledge goes, but there's certainly staff who would know more about different kinds of radiance and how it works. If there's something you're looking into, I'm sure there's someone who could help. Heck, even one of the older daemons might know something.

wow fuck that
I'll just fucking read about it thanks

[He laughs to himself.]

Hey, I don't know how important it is to you! Maybe you want to toughen up those candle powers, I don't know!

mine isn't really something you "toughen up"

Okay, okay, semantics. I meant your radiance not the actual unique ability. Though really, I bet you could do all kinds of cool stuff with that too.

that shit skipped me
and yeah fucking of course but that's because I'm so fucking cool and will fucking experiment

[but lol he's not bitter about being told No or anything]

Skipped? Really? I didn't know it could do that. Like, I thought that was what made candles candles. Huh.

Anyway, I stand by what I said. You could do camaflogue. Or highlight paths! Especially if you could make it go far.

maybe not skipped but it doesn't fucking work

distance or not I can't just fucking change all colors of everything dude

Oh! That's entirely different.

You can't fault me for not knowing, I've only had one demonstration, you know.

But more to the point, you could probably fix that. I know I just said I'm not an expert on candles, but I've seen cases where powers weren't working as well due to a metaphorical crossing of wires. Like conflicting abilities, blight and radiance together, or just not knowing how to convert personal magic to spellwork or vice versa. You've probably got a block of some kind, something you need to re-root. No big deal. Certainly not permanent.

that's great but I ain't fucking blighted or nothing

Ay, I know that! I didn't say you were. It was an example. There's other reasons powers don't work their best. It's a focus thing.

I'm just saying, if you wanted to, it could be something to look into.

yeah yeah
I dunno
I'm fine

...If you say so.

If you ever change your mind though, I can offer tips. Perfectly free, no pressure to test it.

[Mostly since he wouldn't be able to help test it for long.]

you're free to say whatever the fuck you want

[Give him tips but don't make him ask for them........]

It's easier to do that when I don't have to hide, mijo. You know that.

This all going to sound like it's super obvious and super corny too, but I swear by it and I know others who do too. And I'm going to talk about blight, but let me get there, this is more universal than that.

When I first got here I really didn't know anything about spells. I knew Imelda could do them and mi hija would too, little things here and there sometimes, but it wasn't something I considered myself able to do. And then, with blight, I wasn't sure where the heck I was supposed to be pulling this magic stuff from. But I was listening to a lecture one night in one of the evening classes, heard some talk about how candles pull on their radiance as the source of power and channel into whatever it is they do unconsciously and it hit me. I had magic the whole time, I was just using the wrong batteries, so to speak.

Blight itself is a source of magic, different from a candle's flame but still something. I use magic to shift back and forth, as you know, and I do so consciously. Just being here, most of us have some kind of ability we already tap into at will. So, if I want to do a spell, put forth magic into it, then what I need to do is kind of trick my blight. I draw on power I know how to use and then I push it in another direction just before it takes hold. If I want to do a spell for light for example, I draw on my blight and channel it, usually lighting up a little bit myself without shifting.

Now, to channel it, it's good to visualize. You want to find the power you'd usually use and imagine it extending past you, just in the moment of doing a spell. This is what I'd recommend for someone struggling with spells specifically, but it also works the other way around. If you're having trouble pulling out your own magic, stuff you should have but can't seem to use, there's likely something inhibiting you. Sometimes that's another bit of magic, but sometimes it's our own minds. Plenty of cases where people know they have power but struggle to tap it, younger or otherwise. It's not something most human beings naturally come by after all.

There's a chance Imelda has said as much before, but magic is willpower. There's tricks and knowledge and skill and all that, but at it's core, basic magic is wanting bad enough without inhibiting it. You put your whole heart on the table towards what is you're trying to do.

The way that's always worked for me, both when I was figuring things out in this place, and when I felt too messed up to even think about being whole-- until Imelda recommended the same thing-- is this; think of someone who brings you joy. Like I said, it sounds silly, but stay with me. Think of someone you really, truly love. Hold them in your heart and in your mind. Whatever you're about to do, think of it being for them somehow, even just to show them. Want it until you're no longer afraid. Until your wish is bigger than your fear.

And that, by the way, is also how I learned not to be afraid of playing for crowds as a kid and to play better in general. Kind of funny how that works out.

Your radiance is blocked somehow, but not entirely. You have your color magic. You know how to use it. Reach for it. But instead of drawing it up like I'm talking about, dig deeper. Like you're holding your breath before a dive. Keep going until you feel something, but naturally so. If you're kicking yourself when it doesn't work, you're going too hard. But if you hold that important person or thing in your mind as you go, I promise you'll find something. And then, just practice. Give it time.

With any luck, some part of that will help you.

[It's a long, long while before Maverick gets back to this.]

how come shit's never like "say this specific phrase" or "do five jumping jacks" to work it's always gotta be fucking "no dumbass you ain't ~feeling~ correctly" how the fuck else am I suppose to feel
sorry I'm too fucked up and broken for you, world, goddamn

You're not fucked up, mijo. At least not any more than a lot of people, including myself. Normal human levels of messed up at most.

It's not easy because if it were easy no one would have to worry about this in the first place. But a lot of people do. You are not the first I've talked this kind of thing over with, some with and some without informational tailoring. You may not even be the last. I'm telling you this and even I've needed help and reminders.

You don't need to feel any different. It might help to punish yourself less for it either way, but hey, maybe I'm wrong. Just because it's worked before doesn't mean it will for everyone.

We can try it out. It won't be as helpful over text, maybe, but we could walk through it.

[Maybe...but he still feels uncertainty and frustration tangling up his insides.]

this kinda shit ain't exactly safe to practice with you in person

...I know. I could promise to get out of the way before it starts hurting too bad but that's not going to help you much, even if I can say that a single bit of radiance blasting doesn't tend to outright kill me. You need to be calm for this and I know you'll worry.

[Kind boy he is.]

Could do an old fashioned phone call? Speaker phone. Or if you know how to set up that video chat thing on your phone. Coco and I have done it once or twice.

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