un: weaseling (limited access)

[deuteranope]

To: < epicyon >, < g.akechi >, < greendolphin >,
< i.rivera >, < jojo2 >, < ollin >, < princely >,
< tealeaf22 >, < wellcooked >, < xspire >

[List is more for OOC purposes. ICly, the other usernames are unavailable to the recipients and this should be treated as private, individual messages rather than a group conversation.]

ATTENTION MOTHERS AND FUCKERS
congrats if you're fucking seeing this because it means that you are on an exclusive list of individuals I went out of my fucking way to invite to fake thanksgiving. this is an event hosted at the inn of atropos, otherwise known as mama's kickass inn, and usually it's just open to guests actually fucking paying for rooms there but we're changing shit up this year. lucky you! you've been deemed worthy by the most desirable of opinions (mine) to attend on november 28 dinner's at 6pm which is late yeah but worth the wait and we got some night based guests where this is basically a super early breakfast so quit your bitching

Q: What is "fake" Thanksgiving?
a: we don't do that shit over here but mama is super into it and american so shut the fuck up, it's a thing and has been for years
forget actual thanksgiving bullshit we all about the delicious food mama makes and appreciating peeps or whatever
we all need a fucking break this month okay

Q: Where's the Inn of Atropos at?
a: [insert address here]

Q: Free food?
a: free fucking food bitch

Q: Free drinks?
a: I was sorta including that in with the food but yeah jeez whatever

Q: Why are you so fucking handsome?
a: scholars have been scratching their heads over this for years and while they can't find an answer it's still widely accepted as truth
aw shucks, scholars

Q: Should I bring anything?
a: nah man we good

Q: Do I get a +1?
a: do I look like a fucking bouncer I don't give a shit just keep it reasonable

Q: I'm confused about why I'm on this list.
a: that ain't a fucking question

Q: Okay, well why --
a: because shut the fuck up you just are dumbass, take the fucking win

Q: You already told me about this.
a: again, not a fucking question but for the sake of time: I know, but I'm telling other people now too and shut up this is easier for me to keep track of

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE

oh also rsvp or not I don't fucking care
depends how HELPFUL you wanna be

Comments

[deuteranope]

[!!!! yay! Tía has the best ideas.]

I wish I knew more about what's all in canada so we could get him the french exclusives
not that he'd eat them anyway I guess
but fireball might

1/2

[no_dejare_de_quererte]

Isn't that something you can look up on the internet? What sorts of things are sold in France and in Canada?

Either way, I'm sure they'll appreciate being thought of, even if we send things that they could have gotten themselves.

2/2

[no_dejare_de_quererte]

[Another message comes a few seconds later...]

How terrible would it be to send them a small box of crickets?

[deuteranope]

[He's busy typing about how much effort that would take when the second text comes through and yep, everything is erased. No longer important.]

maximum terrible which is what they fucking deserve

[no_dejare_de_quererte]

Okay. So, we send them two boxes. One with crickets and one with our actual care package.

I was thinking about also adding glitter to the latter, but now I wonder if it would be better to add to the former. Can you imagine?

[This is Kano's mistake for teaching Imelda about glitter bombs by sending her one.]

[deuteranope]

porque no los dos

actually are we sending living crickets dead crickets or food crickets
because I don't think glitter is good for living crickets and they shouldn't be punished for his crimes

[no_dejare_de_quererte]

That's a good point. I was thinking live crickets, so perhaps the glitter would be better served in the other box.

Provided he opens the care package at all after receiving a box of live crickets.

[deuteranope]

if we each put our name on just one surely he wouldn't suspect a thing

[no_dejare_de_quererte]

That's clever. Then the question becomes, which of us is he least likely to expect to send him something awful?

[deuteranope]

hard to say... I've sent him colorful wheel shoes to fucking homework so it's a wide spectrum on this end

also they're both gonna be awful in their own way being fair

[no_dejare_de_quererte]

One is slightly less awful by virtue of having something nice in it as well.

We should also plan for retaliation. I'll be opening any packages outside for a few months after this.

[deuteranope]

he did say he was gonna glotterbomb the whole fucking dorm for I think my bday... I think he got distracted because I told him I was moving out
idk I'd have to check

[no_dejare_de_quererte]

And you didn't think to warn me about that before now? I'm hurt, mijo.

[deuteranope]

he distracted me
he's very distracting

[no_dejare_de_quererte]

Mhmm. Are you sure you weren't in on it?

[deuteranope]

please tía I'm not a degenerate