un: likesflowers | late night thoughts about mortality with a ten year old

[alreadyhuman]

[ This post shows up at one of those 'no reasonable person should be awake at this time' hours, like 4 in the morning. ]

If you knew you were going to die

How would you feel? what are you meant to feel?

[ Vivi is not even remotely tech-savvy enough to know how to conceal his identity, so this is a great look into his mental state right now.

Which is to say: not good. ]

Comments

UN: ThreeCoffins, Private

[improbablenotimpossible]

There's no right or wrong way.

Long ago, when I faced that question - I thought I'd be fine with it - perhaps the person I was back then truly was at peace with the prospect. Now? I think it'd be a fearful thing for me, even without my complications.

...Perhaps we should talk in person, I won't lie - I am worried about you.

[alreadyhuman]

I guess there really isnt a right answer...

[ One of the things he learned under Sherlock was that there was always - mostly - usually - some truth, something right, and if you could just find it then everything else, no matter how convoluted or painful, would make just a little more sense.

Reading that there isn't one, from a person he'd considered to have every answer in the world, makes him...he doesn't know how to feel. Sadder, maybe.

Rather than reply, he shuffles out of his room to go and meet Sherlock, which results in a concerning amount of radio silence before there's a timid knock on Sherlock's door. ]

[improbablenotimpossible]

[He opens the door, and quickly moves to clear his usually unused bed so Vivi can sit - kneeling to hug him once he comes in]

I wish I could give you a more firm answer for this.

[alreadyhuman]

It's okay. [ His voice is wobbly. ] I guess it's so big and difficult that everyone has different answers for it...

[ This is the voice of someone trying to convince himself that it's okay to feel dreadfully alone during an extended confrontation of your own mortality and failing. ]

[improbablenotimpossible]

You don't have to be okay with it.

[Even if he can't drink it, he has a kettle at ready, setting it to brew]

That's... part of existing - is feeling things, bad and good. It took me a painfully long time to accept that.

[alreadyhuman]

[ Vivi takes the opportunity to just flop onto the nearest soft surface. Being in Sherlock's presence is reassuring, at least. ]

What if I don't want to feel like this, though? It's confusing, and it hurts...I don't like it...