un: weaseling (limited access)

[deuteranope]

To: < epicyon >, < g.akechi >, < greendolphin >,
< i.rivera >, < jojo2 >, < ollin >, < princely >,
< tealeaf22 >, < wellcooked >, < xspire >

[List is more for OOC purposes. ICly, the other usernames are unavailable to the recipients and this should be treated as private, individual messages rather than a group conversation.]

ATTENTION MOTHERS AND FUCKERS
congrats if you're fucking seeing this because it means that you are on an exclusive list of individuals I went out of my fucking way to invite to fake thanksgiving. this is an event hosted at the inn of atropos, otherwise known as mama's kickass inn, and usually it's just open to guests actually fucking paying for rooms there but we're changing shit up this year. lucky you! you've been deemed worthy by the most desirable of opinions (mine) to attend on november 28 dinner's at 6pm which is late yeah but worth the wait and we got some night based guests where this is basically a super early breakfast so quit your bitching

Q: What is "fake" Thanksgiving?
a: we don't do that shit over here but mama is super into it and american so shut the fuck up, it's a thing and has been for years
forget actual thanksgiving bullshit we all about the delicious food mama makes and appreciating peeps or whatever
we all need a fucking break this month okay

Q: Where's the Inn of Atropos at?
a: [insert address here]

Q: Free food?
a: free fucking food bitch

Q: Free drinks?
a: I was sorta including that in with the food but yeah jeez whatever

Q: Why are you so fucking handsome?
a: scholars have been scratching their heads over this for years and while they can't find an answer it's still widely accepted as truth
aw shucks, scholars

Q: Should I bring anything?
a: nah man we good

Q: Do I get a +1?
a: do I look like a fucking bouncer I don't give a shit just keep it reasonable

Q: I'm confused about why I'm on this list.
a: that ain't a fucking question

Q: Okay, well why --
a: because shut the fuck up you just are dumbass, take the fucking win

Q: You already told me about this.
a: again, not a fucking question but for the sake of time: I know, but I'm telling other people now too and shut up this is easier for me to keep track of

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE

oh also rsvp or not I don't fucking care
depends how HELPFUL you wanna be

Comments

[deuteranope]

for sure we’re a good establishment over here

[foolishjustice]

Then I'll see you there.

[Soon enough, he walks into the inn in jeans and a hooded jacket. When he pulls his hood down, his hair is a couple inches longer than it was at the start of the semester. He looks...a bit drowsy, but an attentive eye might notice he's using less makeup to hide the dark circles.]

[deuteranope]

[Mav's at a healthy distance for someone who he's not in a relationship with anymore, so he mostly sees the weary look. It's...good, though? It's more honest and relaxed, and he can get behind that. Seems much healthier than the Akechi he knew, tired or not.]

Come on -- we can talk in my room.

[He gestures up the stairs, indicating for Akechi to follow him, and when he gets to the room he's made his, he moves to sit on the edge of the bed and offers a weak, awkward smile.]

...Hey. You don't look like complete shit. That's good.

[foolishjustice]

[He takes off his jacket when they get to the room, and glances around for a good place to sit.]

The new medicine I started is making it easier to sleep. Dragging myself out of bed feels like a pain in the ass now, but I feel less like shit overall.

[deuteranope]

[There's no giant dick chair like he'd had at the dorm, but there's a small cross between a bureau and a desk that has a wooden chair there. It's not made for comfort, just convenience. Other than that, there's really just more bedspace.]

Tch. Like getting you out of bed wasn't already a fucking task if I didn't have fucking coffee in my hand ready for you.

[But...this wasn't really what he came here to talk about. He should stay on task instead of going down memory lane.]

It's...fucking weird, that shit feels normal. When I think about it, I know it shouldn't. A lot of shit happened.

[foolishjustice]

[He drapes his jacket over the back of the chair, then sits down in it. He takes a moment to rub at his face, then shoves his hair aside. His cartilage piercings have healed up nicely, and he has a new pair of helix earrings in them.]

It's been a long time since my life was 'normal'. But I get what you mean, it almost feels like it did before I got orders to start stirring shit up.

[He lets out a tired laugh, though it doesn't quite reach his eyes.]

I don't know what's going to happen after Shido's dealt with, but some part of me hopes things really can be...normal. I mean, 'normal' by the standards of a Candle. Living without this shit hanging over me, actually getting to live my own fucking life.

But I'll probably find out soon. Once I've shaken off this fatigue, I want to do something before Shido figures out I have backup.

[deuteranope]

[Oh -- piercings are always good. And so is Akechi being comfortable expressing himself. His eyes flick to them a moment, but he has to stay on topic, here. No chickening out like a punk bitch.]

That's fucking great. I mean, really, it is, I just... [Uhh, let's see. He picks his phone up to look over what started them on this conversation in the first place. Right.] People aren't gonna just forget how much you hurt them, even if it wasn't your decision. Yeah, it's that asshole's fault, but you can't just... You played a part, too. Getting them to forgive you ain't gonna be so easy, just because we ain't out here calling for jailtime or nothing.

Like, you know this shit's gonna have consequences even if you're trying to make it right, right?

[foolishjustice]

I know. I'll be lucky if they don't run me out of the fucking school.

[His hands tighten on his knees and he looks off to the side.]

I want to live a normal life, but I know it's...not going to happen. That ship has sailed.

[Something about that wording is apparently some kind of joke, because he gives a wry snort.]

But it's a nice hypothetical...getting my life back on track, maybe figuring out what I want to major in. Just, living the way I want to, without that asshole forcing me to betray the people I care about.

[deuteranope]

I dunno if that would happen...

[He'd sort of been hoping this persecution complex would lessen when the paranoia did, but he supposed he can't expect a complete switch to healthy thinking. Wasn't like he always thought the healthiest things, either, even if he...wants to try more, now. People think he's worth something, might as well give them what they want when it doesn't hurt him. Just makes them happy.]

You can be pissed at someone without wanting 'em to suffer. And if you keep trying to be the normal you wanna be, I think people will want that, too. Just, you know, don't forget your part in this or expect everything to fucking be okay once the king's knocked down. Pawns do shit, too. Not like fucking chess, though, this shit ain't black and white.

[foolishjustice]

I think 'pissed' will be an understatement. I mean...fuck, how can I even expect them to believe I'm not lying about having been forced? Not to mention...

[He tugs at a plastic coil bracelet around one wrist, idly curling it around his finger.]

Hurting them to protect myself, when whose safety is more important should've been fucking obvious.

[Even his mother hadn't wanted him to be born, after all. How can someone who never should've existed, who's only ever caused suffering for the people he loves, say that protecting his own life is worth hurting people who actually contribute something positive to the world?]

I'll be surprised if they don't hate me.

[deuteranope]

[The urge to throw a pillow at him is strong...but Maverick will resist.]

They can hate you and believe you at the same time. Weird shit fucking happens -- I mean, is it really that fucking different than a daemon Contract? [More importantly...] You have the same fucking value as everyone else does, dipshit. There's no more or less important, not...really. Shit just... Life's fucking crazy!

[foolishjustice]

And if they hate me, why would they want to let me have a chance to be happy? Even if they don't assume I'm an evil piece of shit and just biding my time.

[He sighs and slips the bracelet off his wrist to tangle both hands in it.]

Besides, even my own mother saw me as a fucking curse. And I know being close to me was hurting you...who the hell would think someone who keeps making the people he loves suffer has the same value as someone who contributes something positive to the world?

So, I don't think it's worth really getting my hopes up for enough people being willing to understand for me to be able to get on with my life.

[deuteranope]

[just. what.]

Because they're not fucking sociopaths?

[PLEASE...REALIZE THAT NOT EVERYTHING IS AN EXTREME

-- and. Oh. That was a little... It distracts him from what he all wants to say, which is a lot. How funny that one little word can make his stomach twist uncomfortably and make his mind slow down.

No. Rally. There are so, so many reasons not to linger on it.]

We...chose to suffer with you. Me n' your mom. You can't really fucking expect me to accept she didn't wanna fucking stay with you when your name literally fucking calls you out as her goddamn son. What would really make you an asshole would be forcing me to...stay, once I hit my limit. Or, you know, killing me. Then you'd definitely be evil, and shit. But you don't... Just because they're gonna react bad doesn't mean it's the fucking end of you.

[foolishjustice]

My...name?

[He never really thought about the characters he uses to write it, but...that sure is what they mean, isn't it? She...chose to suffer with him. Maybe she did hit her limit too, but had she really wanted to stay? Come to think of it, he does have memories of her doing things like saving up so she could buy him a toy he wanted, even taking time to play with him even though she'd had a rough day. Even though they were all rough days.

He feels his eyes starting to water, and quickly blinks to keep the tears from building up enough to fall. Why is it hard to not cry now, of all times? Now, when he also wants to smile?]

I never...realized what my name actually means, before. I've written the kanji so many times, it was just muscle memory by the time I learned what they stand for. I think I...really needed to hear that.

[He rubs at his eyes with a muttered 'fuck', then takes a couple deep breaths to try to get his emotions under control. He hasn't cried in years, why is it so hard to keep the tears back now?]

But even if that's the case, I sure as fuck wouldn't want Shido to be happy. Do you really think they'll feel any differently about me?

[deuteranope]

[oh no, did he fuck up, he fucked up, huh -- ah. Maverick exhales breath he didn't realize he was holding and looks down to his bedspread in an attempt to distance himself from the emotions going on. That was Akechi's private business, even if it was Mav that helped him see the truth, is how he figures it is.]

You can't seriously think it's the same fucking thing. He ruined your life even before all this bullshit! What he did to your mom... And he doesn't fucking care? But you wanna change things. People are gonna see that, even if they hate what you did. You're a real fucking dumbass...

[foolishjustice]

Does it...really make that much difference to people?

[He goes back to toying with his bracelet, stretching the coils out close to their full length.]

None of the people who gave me a reason to be pissed at them gave a shit about fixing it. Not unless it was a PR move.

[deuteranope]

Uh, yeah, that's politics.

[fuck authority, etc. etc. but okay for real now]

I spent my youth wrecking shit and running drugs for piece of shit friends, and plenty of folks in Soleil remember that. Still fucking like me well enough, don't they? Regular-ass, sane people give people chances.

[foolishjustice]

I guess I haven't known many regular-ass, sane people, then. The people here are a lot different from the assholes I dealt with back in Japan.

[He slides the bracelet back onto his wrist and takes a breath.]

But you might be right. A couple more people recently...got the full story. One of them saw my nightmares during that dream shit and asked questions last month, and another...the asshole me from the mirror spilled it, probably because he was pissed I had more time to get people to give a shit than he did. Apparently he got caught early on and got ran off campus.

They want to help. The one who met the asshole mirror me even said she thought the difference was that he got caught, while I...stopped on my own.

[deuteranope]

[It's another relief, hearing that others know. Even if Akechi didn't initiate opening up, like he had with Mav... It's good. Showing him it wasn't him against the whole world was progress that he's sure will go a long way.]

She's got the right idea, whoever she is. Like... You seriously don't fucking see how different the circumstances are? You're nothing like that asshole.

[foolishjustice]

...When it's your biological father, it's easy to draw comparisons. Especially since I've been doing his dirty work for him, I can't help but worry that people will just lump me in with their feelings about him.

Especially the ones who don't get a turn at knocking his fucking teeth out.

[deuteranope]

You just... You're gonna have to fucking trust me that there's something in between not having consequences and people wanting you fucking dead. Alright?

[Trusted him for a bunch of other shit. What's one more, Akechi?]

[foolishjustice]

...Alright. [Another steadying breath. Then he offers a weak smile that really only emphasizes how tired he looks, but...this is Mav. He's shown worse weakness around him.] Thanks, I...think I really needed to hear some of this.

[deuteranope]

[He leans back, propping himself up on a hand. His own smile is small, but...there. And a little bit fond. Feels fucking good to get through to people, but it's even better when they matter to you.]

No shit, man... [Mav's made some mistakes, but he tries to always steer others in the right direction, at least.] God, you look like you fucking need a nap, though. You ain't gonna pass out on your way back, huh?

[foolishjustice]

I'll grab some coffee before I head back. It'll at least keep me from dozing off on the bus.

[But ugh, why do you have to remind him of how drowsy he is. He yawns, then rubs a hand over his face.]

This medicine, I fucking swear. It makes me wanna sleep all day, and that's without the shit for anxiety. That part's supposed to be temporary, though.

[deuteranope]

[He can't help the soft, amused snicker. He's kind of a jerk that way.]

You sure it ain't just catching up on all that other sleep you fucking missed out on?