un: likesflowers | late night thoughts about mortality with a ten year old

[alreadyhuman]

[ This post shows up at one of those 'no reasonable person should be awake at this time' hours, like 4 in the morning. ]

If you knew you were going to die

How would you feel? what are you meant to feel?

[ Vivi is not even remotely tech-savvy enough to know how to conceal his identity, so this is a great look into his mental state right now.

Which is to say: not good. ]

Comments

[improbablenotimpossible]

[He opens the door, and quickly moves to clear his usually unused bed so Vivi can sit - kneeling to hug him once he comes in]

I wish I could give you a more firm answer for this.

un: xx_heartoffire_xx

[stavros]

I would feel resigned, I suppose... but would fight it regardless. After all, is that not what we all face with Nightfall on the horizon?

We will find a way to save you, Vivi. Whatever that may be.

[hattersgonnahat]

[She somehow already suspected this had to do with that factory and all. And she does not say anything. Not because she didn't care, far from it actually. She was not exactly sure what to say at the moment.]

...You're not gonna die, Vivi. [So apparently all that silence was not put towards coming up with better words after all. Puella was not going to beat around it since she already knew what he basically wanted and yet didn't want to say. All of this was no different than before, at least. They handled it about the same way, just maybe with more fanciful words at the time.]

[All of it, and also none of it. She goes silent again since she had no proof for that statement yet, and it was the reason why she still needed to work harder too. To discover, learn, do something before it was too late. But she was pretty determined about it.]

I'll find something to keep you alive too.

[Yeah, that's a "too". Just like them, constructs.]

un: SenzaLuce

[unlogic]

[There are some nights where Desi has trouble sleeping, still. This is one of those nights.]

I don't know. I think that maybe it would depend on why.

If I was going to die, if it was going to be because of something I chose to do, like let's say that I was trying to protect you or GV or Lia or Mona from something, then I think I would feel okay with it. If it was going to happen for less-good reasons then I'd feel pretty awful about it and want to find a way to stop it from happening because I don't want to leave my friends behind.

un: 9hilism

[ninehilist]

["No reasonable person" well good thing Nines isn't reasonable.]

everyone dies eventually. it's not a bad thing.

[SAYS THE BOY WITH A NIHILISM JOKE AS HIS USERNAME. But he's trying??]

[alreadyhuman]

is that all youre supposed to do? just feel stuff?

[hawkwardness]

I don't think anything you're feeling right now is wrong. Even if you don't feel anything, half the time.

[alreadyhuman]

nightfalls different though
it feels different anyway! you can fight it

i can help with nightfall but i dunno what to do about me. its not something you can fight anyway i think...

i dont know.

[alreadyhuman]

It's okay. [ His voice is wobbly. ] I guess it's so big and difficult that everyone has different answers for it...

[ This is the voice of someone trying to convince himself that it's okay to feel dreadfully alone during an extended confrontation of your own mortality and failing. ]

[alreadyhuman]

[ tbh not many people have a reasonable sleep schedule here at daybreak ]

its sad though when people die. they just stop and they dont get to do anything anymore and everyone who liked them is sad.

isnt that a bad thing?

[ninehilist]

it's a sad thing, maybe, but it's not bad. everything and everyone dies. it's normal

[improbablenotimpossible]

You don't have to be okay with it.

[Even if he can't drink it, he has a kettle at ready, setting it to brew]

That's... part of existing - is feeling things, bad and good. It took me a painfully long time to accept that.

[stavros]

If this is what fate has decreed, then it is, but if there is a chance, we ought to do everything we can to save you. We owe it to you. And there must be; after all, you were created for a purpose, which means those who made you must know what they were doing.

[alreadyhuman]

it feels better to die for some reasons more than others? i guess that makes sense too.

i guess nobody really knows even though dying happens so much. i dont know how to feel about that...

[emergensirations]

I understand.

[That's a feeling they know.]

What do you feel right now?

UN: AZURESTRIKER

[shockingblue]

[Gunvolt stirred from his sleep when he heard his phone play a quiet tune, heralding a post from one of his friends; and the tone was associated with Vivi. Reaching over to his nightstand blearily, he took his phone into his hand and read the post, vision half blurred from a somewhat restless night.

He blinked at the device, rubbing his eyes a little, and obscuring the light to not rouse Desidera or alert Monarch while they were resting. ...Perhaps blissfully unaware that Desi was already awake, and also seeing this post. It took him several moments to actually process the post, before he finally could find any words to reply with.]

Think it's different for everyone, buddy. ...And in the circumstances.

All I know is looking death in the face is... scary. And inevitable, as long as you live.

But when we all make a living defying inevitability... well, I guess feeling defiant and pushing back against a cruel fate with all that you are is pretty natural. To not go softly in the long night until you're ready.

[At least, that's how he's been looking at it...]

[alreadyhuman]

Is there someone else you wanna help too...? [ He didn't miss that 'too', for sure.

Puella's always been so nice. And knowing she's helping more people, well, that's just more proof. ]

[alreadyhuman]

I dont really get it...

im sorry though

for you almost dying

i know its not my fault or anything!! but its still bad and feels bad right?

[alreadyhuman]

[ Vivi takes the opportunity to just flop onto the nearest soft surface. Being in Sherlock's presence is reassuring, at least. ]

What if I don't want to feel like this, though? It's confusing, and it hurts...I don't like it...

[alreadyhuman]

i guess so....

but what if im just meant to be this way? what if my purpose is just fighting?

shouldnt i just try to get used to it?

[alreadyhuman]

but being sad feels bad, and seeing other people feel sad feels bad too

is there a big difference between something being bad and feeling bad?

[alreadyhuman]

thats what everyones saying but it doesnt really help

maybe thats okay too though??

im not sure if im scared or not...im sad that other people would be sad about me. i dont want to make them sad. but i dont think im afraid. just confused.

[hattersgonnahat]

Hmmm, it's actually two.

[So, it's going to be even more work to keep both of them alive.]

They live in the rift, so no one else ever sees them. ...It's complicated.

un: redridinghoodie

[awooligan]

[no one ever said he was reasonable.]

holy shit is this the kind of stuff you people talk about all the time or is tonight special

[IT'S REAL HEAVY, VIVI.]

I'd probably be pissed
carpe diem that's french right [cliff no] I want to live life to the fullest and I'm not done yet

[stavros]

Vivi. I know I talk about fate a great deal, and I do hold it in high regard. But accepting fate is different from accepting injustice. It may be your fate to fight for the good of all, but that does not make it your fate to perish at the end of it. Not when we still stand with you to find the answer you require.