un: weaseling (limited access)

[deuteranope]

To: < epicyon >, < g.akechi >, < greendolphin >,
< i.rivera >, < jojo2 >, < ollin >, < princely >,
< tealeaf22 >, < wellcooked >, < xspire >

[List is more for OOC purposes. ICly, the other usernames are unavailable to the recipients and this should be treated as private, individual messages rather than a group conversation.]

ATTENTION MOTHERS AND FUCKERS
congrats if you're fucking seeing this because it means that you are on an exclusive list of individuals I went out of my fucking way to invite to fake thanksgiving. this is an event hosted at the inn of atropos, otherwise known as mama's kickass inn, and usually it's just open to guests actually fucking paying for rooms there but we're changing shit up this year. lucky you! you've been deemed worthy by the most desirable of opinions (mine) to attend on november 28 dinner's at 6pm which is late yeah but worth the wait and we got some night based guests where this is basically a super early breakfast so quit your bitching

Q: What is "fake" Thanksgiving?
a: we don't do that shit over here but mama is super into it and american so shut the fuck up, it's a thing and has been for years
forget actual thanksgiving bullshit we all about the delicious food mama makes and appreciating peeps or whatever
we all need a fucking break this month okay

Q: Where's the Inn of Atropos at?
a: [insert address here]

Q: Free food?
a: free fucking food bitch

Q: Free drinks?
a: I was sorta including that in with the food but yeah jeez whatever

Q: Why are you so fucking handsome?
a: scholars have been scratching their heads over this for years and while they can't find an answer it's still widely accepted as truth
aw shucks, scholars

Q: Should I bring anything?
a: nah man we good

Q: Do I get a +1?
a: do I look like a fucking bouncer I don't give a shit just keep it reasonable

Q: I'm confused about why I'm on this list.
a: that ain't a fucking question

Q: Okay, well why --
a: because shut the fuck up you just are dumbass, take the fucking win

Q: You already told me about this.
a: again, not a fucking question but for the sake of time: I know, but I'm telling other people now too and shut up this is easier for me to keep track of

BE THERE OR BE SQUARE

oh also rsvp or not I don't fucking care
depends how HELPFUL you wanna be

Comments

[foolishjustice]

Sure, but you can do that any time.
I'd like a little personal fucking effort in my holiday dinner.
(Okay, maybe it depends on who's getting scalped...)

[deuteranope]

[He was going to say something about how holiday foods are fake anyway and it's all about spending time with your family, but...haha...maybe not the thing to say to Akechi, with his life.]

yeah yeah I see your point I just wanna eat delicious shit though
(no scalping or you'll fucking make mama cry)

[foolishjustice]

I can't argue with that. It's why I go along with fast food holidays, what with the aforementioned cooking like shit.
(I'm just saying, I can think of some people whose scalping would be cause for celebration.]

[deuteranope]

don't starve
(I mean yeah but we don't fucking talk about them at a nice fake thanksgiving dinner)

[foolishjustice]

I can at least manage something edible these days.
Besides, we have the school cooks here.
(Fair enough. It'd be nice to be able to put that shit completely out of mind for a while.)

[deuteranope]

oh yeah? color me impressed

[foolishjustice]

Come on, I wasn't THAT hopeless.
I just didn't know what the hell I was doing.
I've got a teacher now, so I've at least learned the basic shit cookbooks expect you to know.

[deuteranope]

sure sure
a teacher I know or nah?

[foolishjustice]

You've probably met her? She's in Lum.
Her name's Cordelia, she's part of the cooking club.
She helped when I fucked up making soup while you were sick.

[deuteranope]

eh
I can put the name to a face but not much else
sounds like I owe her my life though

[foolishjustice]

It wasn't poison, asshole.
It just would've tasted awful.
Anyway, I wouldn't have served something that tasted like shit to someone who was in bed sick.

[deuteranope]

maybe not to a healthy person but I was already on the edge
good to know I didn't have the worst fucking nurse

[foolishjustice]

Here I thought you were tougher than some virus.
But I know a thing or two about taking care of sick people.
Like, don't serve them shit that'll make them gag.

[deuteranope]

normally yeah but I was puking out my guts man hard to have moxie without guts
and hey I was gagging anyway I dunno how fucking finicky you'd be over it

[foolishjustice]

I guess you've got a point.
The fact that you were gagging anyway is why you didn't need the extra help.
What would've happened if you'd run out of guts to puke?

[deuteranope]

then you wouldn't have some sick dude to take care of anymore

[foolishjustice]

I sure as hell would've had a mess on my hands, though.

...Fuck, I've missed being able to talk shit like this with someone.

[deuteranope]

well you'd deserve it under the circumstances

almost like it fucking pays to not be an uptight piece of shit faker huh

[foolishjustice]

Glad I knew better than to feed you shit that'd make you puke more, then.

I just wish I could be sure of who wouldn't mind be being a rude asshole, and who'd get on my ass about it.
Aside from just looking at who's willing to be friends with you, anyway.

[deuteranope]

"willing to" fucking RUDE
but my friends are a good place to start I got great friends
though...
I mean there's other shit they wouldn't be so keen on even if they're cool with dickheads

[foolishjustice]

Are you saying being friends with you doesn't take a high tolerance for rude assholery?
I know the other shit is a real problem, though.
But I'm working on it. And really, I owe you for that.
Fuck, I probably owe you for being able to make it to the doctor, even if I didn't have the guts to ask you to come along.
The fact that I had my turn puking them out after you were done notwithstanding.

[deuteranope]

I'm saying my friendship is a blessing people should be begging me for

[Ah... What are these complicated, conflicting feelings...]

I didn't do nothing man you did that
and it's fucking great and I'm happy for you don't you fucking dare get me wrong but

I dunno this might be a better convo to have in person

[thanks for making him paranoid about internet safety]

[foolishjustice]

I'm free this evening if you want to meet up somewhere.
Just don't take it personally if I look sleepy as shit, it's a side effect of the medicine.

[deuteranope]

depends how evening your evening is I work tonight but I'm free for a while

[foolishjustice]

I don't take any morning classes, because honestly, fuck any schedule that starts too early for me to get to a cafe and back first.
So evening can be pretty evening.