un: weaseling

[deuteranope]

Note/textbook highlighting/ease of reading
€10-15

Editing/proofreading
€15-20

Tutoring: french, eng, maths, science
cost depends on grade and if they're fucking annoying

Coffee delivery
cost of drink/food + €5

Tattoo design
depends what it is but they can just go to a real fucking artist if I don't cut the cost

Catsitting
€10/hr maybe just cat glamour shots

Fistfight
do this shit for free

Drinking buddy
pay for my drinks tbh

Healing??
no fuck charging for that

and tell them all to get me shit for bday

[when you accidentally post instead of saving a draft]

Comments

[strings_theory]

And how much are you charging to knock someone's teeth out in this case, huh?

[deuteranope]

pricing dependent on age, sharpness of teeth on target, and timing

[strings_theory]

Pfft. I'll let you know if I ever do need someone's face fucking rearranged.

Not sure if I should thank you for that or not, tho.

[deuteranope]

nah just gimme something for my bdayyyy

[strings_theory]

I miiiight, you fuckin' gremlin.

[deuteranope]

huzzah

[strings_theory]

God, you're such a fucking dumb-ass sometimes.

[deuteranope]

takes one to know one, stupid

[strings_theory]

W o w, fuckin' rude, Mav.

What kinda shit do you want to me to stay away from?

[deuteranope]

like I'm gonna hand you a list of weaknesses NICE TRY

[strings_theory]

Oh my gooood, I meant what kind of shit you don't want as gifts, you fucking dipshit.

[deuteranope]

I said
N I C E
T R Y
can't fool me

[He's just being a stupid dick.]

[strings_theory]

You.

Are such.

A.

P r i c k.

[deuteranope]

you like it

[strings_theory]

How the fuck do you figure that?

[deuteranope]

well first of all who wouldn't

second of all you're still talking to me when I'm giving you nothing

for real florida woman I'll take whatever you get me don't get your panties in a twist about it

[strings_theory]

You know shit's gonna get real awkward when we inevitably get someone else from Florida around here, right?

Also, heads up, one of my fucking ancestors is here. Try not to run the poor bastard off, maybe?

[deuteranope]

you're the only true floridian in my heart

assuming it ain't your piece of shit dad then
what's up?

Private, because NO ONE NEEDS EMOTIONS

[strings_theory]

Aw, how sweet. And unflattering.

Nah, bastard's still out there doing who fucking knows what.

Surprisingly it's my great x3 grandfather? Like, the fucker died, and then evidently his spirit or whatever is in a goddamned bat now? Shit's weird, but he's deffo the asshat that started this cursed bullshit.

NOT THEM

[deuteranope]

[...........]

you're describing a fucking vampire

[strings_theory]

He's not a fucking vampire, jesus fuck.

Hilariously, a vampire did steal his body. But he's not an actual vampire, he's literally possessing the body of a bat. A fucking fruit bat.

[deuteranope]

"hilariously" fuck off with that
I'm pretty sure that's a vampire and you're dumb as fuck

[strings_theory]

Dude, the vampire stealing his body thing is literally something I was told from someone unrelated to him entirely. So, like, not a vampire.

Pretty sure vampires turn into vampire bats. HE'S A FUCKING FRUIT BAT, MAVERICK.

[deuteranope]

you think vampires fucking make sense instead of going out of their way to fucking be fucked up bastards FUCK YOU

[strings_theory]

Oh my god. THERE'S LITERALLY A HISTORY BOOK ABOUT THE FUCKING INCIDENT, DUMB-ASS. HE FOUGHT A VAMPIRE. Who then killed him and stole his body or some shit.

He's a good dude, give him a fucking chance.

Evidently my family used to not be horrible people, go figure.